Job Hazards
by valeriange
Summary: Sir Leon has known Arthur and Merlin the longest. Sir Leon has seen some things.


Sir Leon has known Arthur and Merlin the longest. Sir Leon has seen some things.

Sir Leon loves his position as a knight. He loves Arthur. He loves Merlin. He loves how Merlin has changed Arthur for the better. He loves the fact that they've actually managed to build a relationship that began as enmity into romance. Arthur is – for lack of a better word – much less of a prat than he used to be. And besides, with Merlin present to snip and snap all the remarks everyone thought but was too afraid to say to Arthur, he received the worst of Arthur's wrath. It was very entertaining.

Sir Leon does not love the fact that he has a tendency to catch them both in the worst times.

He had always been respectful of Arthur's personal space. Not only was he a growing boy, but he was the king's son, and rarely did the king's son ever get a moment truly to himself, and Leon was loath to disrupt that. But then – _Merlin_.

"Fetch me Arthur, would you, Leon?" Uther had said one late night, raising his hand in a dismissive motion while the other trailed down a tattered report from the border. "He needs to see this."

Leon bowed and said, "Of course, my lord."

He made it to the end of the hall when he heard the yelling.

"Oh, Merlin, _fuck_!"

"Sorry, sorry! Let me just—" There was a clatter, and then two gasps.

"Right there—!"

Then there were two screams.

Leon ran.

* * *

Arthur peeked out from behind the bed he had leapt behind. "Did you get it, Merlin?"

Merlin held up a basket with the screeching form of a rat inside. He breathed a sigh of relief, hugging the basket to his chest. "Yes, I did."

Arthur mimicked the sigh. "Thank God."

Merlin couldn't help but chuckle. "You face armies without a second thought, ride out on your own accord to battle monsters, but you're afraid of a little rat?"

"Oh, I'm sorry I have higher standards for _my_ quarters than what _you_ might be used to!"

Merlin slid the lid off the basket and tossed it at Arthur.

* * *

Leon thought the stables would be safe, at least.

Leon thought wrong.

"Hey!" Sir Ernest called, waving Leon over. "Could you go fetch Arthur? I need him for a moment. Think he and Merlin went to the stables to trade out horses."

Leon said, "I'm not your man-servant."

"Well, you certainly don't please me like Merlin pleases Arthur."

The only reason Leon went to the stables was to get away from Sir Ernest.

He heard the whispers while he was standing at the edge of the barn door, thank the Lord, before he went any further.

"Arthur, quiet—"

"Well, I'm trying, but you—"

"Me? _You're_ the one who jumped on _me_!"

"And if you would hold still, I'm trying to help us both!"

There was a sharp intake of breath.

Leon turned and walked away.

* * *

Merlin stared down at the horse's injured leg, now properly wrapped in a splint, and wiped his hands on his pants. "I can't believe you did this," Merlin said.

"Me?" Arthur looked up from collecting the supplies. "You were the one that fell on the thing's damned leg."

"And who pushed me?"

"Oh? Who hit the leg?"

"The leg wouldn't have been hit if you didn't try to— to hop on my back, you clotpole!"

Arthur just gave him a smirk.

Merlin took another glance at the horse's now-splinted leg. "Uther," he said, "is going to kill us."

* * *

Leon didn't know the specifics – he never knew the exact specifics – but Arthur had been placed on house arrest for the coming week. Uther was furious, marching around the palace with a halo of rage about him, and he refused to speak to his son for the time being. That left his ever-so-loyal righthand-man Leon to act as the messenger between them.

"Leon," said the king, "tell my son that his punishment does not excuse him from attending the diplomatic meetings with Sir Archibald this week."

Leon winced, already expecting the flurry of angry words that would pour from Arthur's mouth at the mention of Sir Archibald. But he nodded nonetheless, bowed, and said, "Of course, my king."

He was so innocent then. So daft. To think that Arthur, on restriction, wouldn't find some other way to entertain himself with what he had available at the time. Arthur didn't get his success from luck. Well, not all of it, at least.

He heard laughing from Arthur's room, and like the innocent he was, he thought that meant there was nothing horrific or life-scarring awaiting him. He kept walking down the hall, closer to Arthur's door.

The laugh soon turned into a moan, and he paused, his blood running cold.

"Merlin," Arthur drawled. "This is absolutely _wonderful_."

In a low voice, Merlin responded, "Anything for you, my prince."

Arthur gave another chuckle, then said, "If this is how you – _mmm_ – cheer me up, I might have to get in trouble more often."

Leon ran.

* * *

Arthur picked up another fruit from the tray and popped it in his mouth.

Merlin looked slightly bashful after the last comment, and said, "Gaius said all these were your favorites, and I thought – well, you seemed upset about not being able to leave the palace— and I— I just thought—"

"Merlin." Arthur looked up from the trays of numerous sweets spread across his bed, all his favorite, all set up in various ridiculous attempts at fancy decoration. "It's wonderful. Thank you."

Merlin glanced down, red tinging cheeks. Arthur gave a soft laugh once again – rarely, if any, did Merlin truly let down his guard like this. It was amazing.

"Even though," Merlin said quietly, "this is your fault, in the first place."

Arthur threw a pillow at him. It would have become all-out war, had Arthur not settled it then and there by drawing him by the collar into a deep kiss that tasted like candied apples.

* * *

Leon could never feel safe in the palace again. He knew it. It was like a warzone there, and absolutely no place was safe. The kitchens? Dangerous. The bedroom? The absolute worst. The hallway? Risky at best. The stables? The throne room? Gaius's house? Nowhere, _nowhere_ was safe.

Leon was a loyal soldier, and he supported Arthur wholeheartedly in anything – he would follow that man into the depths of Hades if he asked – but a line had to be drawn somewhere. He respected Arthur too much for… for this to be their sort of encounters.

"Leon, are you all right?" asked Sir Errol. He added, "You've seemed a bit tense lately."

"Have you and Arthur had a spat?" Uther inquired, not looking up from the paper in his hands.

"Of course not, my lord," Leon said. "I… I suppose I must just be tired."

"Perhaps you ought to retire earlier tonight," suggested Sir Errol. "It would be ever so harmful if the backbone of our army faltered."

All Leon could think about was how he would somehow pass them on the way to his house. Or in his house.

That was it. Something had to be done.

Leon stood up. "If you don't mind, my lord," he said to Uther, "I think there is something I must discuss with the prince."

Uther waved his hand. "Of course."

Leon stalked down the halls toward Arthur's room, filled with a new determination. Perhaps he could just remind Arthur that the doors were not soundproof and be on his way. Then again, it wasn't as if Arthur had any shame, so that may not work. Maybe a reminder that innocent young maids stalked these halls as well? Arthur at least had courtesy.

Leon paused for a listen at the end of the hallway.

Arthur sounded affronted, saying, "Merlin, do you seriously think I would've gotten hurt fighting that griffin?"

Without hesitation, Merlin responded, "Yes. Undoubtedly."

"Where is your faith in me?" Arthur pouted.

"It entered Hades when you decided the best plan of action against a supernatural creature was to run at it, with a limp no less, and hit it with a pointy metal stick."

"Don't forget the head wound."

"Oh, how could I forget the head wound?" Merlin drawled sarcastically.

"My apologies. What would your plan have been?"

"I told you what my plan was," Merlin said, miffed.

"And I didn't listen, because I'm sure it was terrible."

"You're terrible."

"The absolute worst. When should we get dinner?"

Leon almost breathed a sigh of relief. It sounded entirely like their usual banter. It was – actually safe, for once. He almost couldn't believe it. He considered leaving, not even talking to Arthur at all, but he decided now was the best time to confront him and get it over with.

He opened the door.

He screamed. Then Merlin screamed. That made Arthur scream. There was a lot of cursing. Some thumbing. Hurried grapping for blankets. When it all ended, Arthur's manhood was covered with a shield and Merlin had burrowed under the blankets.

Leon closed the door.


End file.
